outcast…

     I am 33 years old, although that may be hard to believe.   Ten years ago, I was 23 and probably a very different person from the me of today.  Back then, I hardly ever used the internet, and I had yet to meet or even know about any Belgian models.

     I was renting a room, and I lived by myself.  I had a phone, because it was a requirement for my last chance program to stay out of jail.  I was in danger of being locked up for violating probation a couple of years prior to my newest drug charge.  So, I had to turn myself  in and face the music.

      This was late summer and into fall.  There were a few girls in my life, but nothing serious.  I found out that one girl at work liked me, and we went out to the movies.  Her name was Ebony.  She was cute and nice, but we just didn’t have that special chemistry that attracts people to each other.  At least, I never really felt it.

     One day Ebony and I were going to go to the state fair on a date.  I came home from work, and one of my neighbors was outside talking to a girl who I had never seen before.  At the house where I lived there were twelve rooms that were rented out to single guys only. 

     I always talked to this guy, although I don’t remember his name now.  So, I asked him, “What’s Up ?”  He introduced me to the young lady, Pamela who he had just met.  She was here from Florida, two states south of  Tennessee.  She had left home, and she was eighteen, an adult but just barely.

     She did not have anywhere to go.  So, I offered to let her spend the night in my room even though we were not allowed to have overnight guests there.  I did not want to leave her alone while I went out.  I suggested that she come with Ebony and me to the fair.  I did not think this was very rude, because I was going to pay Pamela’s way.  Ebony and I were not ever going to be a couple, and I thought that Pamela liked me. 

     Inconsiderate or not, the three of us went to the fair and had a pretty good time.  Mostly we all just walked around.  Pamela was not sure where her next meal was coming from.  She was looking for a job.  Pamela and I talked to a lady who worked at the fair, and she said to come back the next day.  She assured us that Pamela would be hired, and my new friend would be traveling with the fair.

     Pam was cute and she liked me.  We kissed on the way back to my place.  I rented a room inside of a bigger house that contained a kitchen and  few bathrooms.  The only furniture that I had was a dresser and a bed.  We both slept in the bed together.  We only kissed.  I did not have any protection, and she said that it was her time of the month.

     The next morning came early. I walked her to the bus stop, and we kissed goodbye.  I gave her my phone number and told her to call me.  I did not want her to go.  She was almost a stranger.  I had only known her for one day.  She stepped on to the bus.  Gone but not forgotten…….