lucky in love…

     Today, I had a nice day with my new girlfriend, Heather.  Could I be ready for love?  It feels good…….

outcast part II

     Life went on as normal for the fall of 1999.  I rode the bus back and forth to work.  I budgeted my money  so that I could eat.  I was still going to church nearby occasionally. 

     I still had my phone and I still lived in the same apartment.  It was nice living alone.  I had met a couple of my crazy neighbors, but I kept to myself as much as possible. 

     Late one night, I receive a phone call.  Pamela is calling me from somewhere in North Georgia if I remember correctly.  She had left the fair and gone back home.  She was not happy at home either.  So, she left home again, and now she was hanging out with some people that she had befriended. 

     She was not sure what to do next, and I had told her to call  if she needed me.  She was calling me for help.  I put together enough money for her to buy a bus ticket to Nashville.

     My older sister gave me a ride to the bus station to pick her up.  I thought that she would never arrive.  I was thinking that she was not coming.  Then, I see her, and it was like she had never left at all.

     It was nice having a girlfriend.  I helped her to get a job where I worked, and we had a lot of fun together.  She met my friends and family.  Pam came to Georgia with me to meet my parents for Christmas.

     Something happened.  I can’t remember when or where, but I became tired of Pam.  She was nice, and she was pretty, not perfect ,maybe an eight.  The only thing that I can figure is that we moved too fast in our relationship.  Maybe I only liked her because I desperately wanted to have sex ?  Is that normal ? 

     Don’t hate me, but I told her that I wanted to break up.  I told her to leave, and I guess I knew that she would have to go back to Florida.

     This is when the other girls at work started to think badly of me.  They were  my friends before.  Now, I was a dog and a bad guy.

     Pam and I still lived and worked together.  She called me from work, because I had the day off.  She said that she had bought a pregnancy test, and that it was positive.  I was not surprised.  We had not been using protection when we were together.  I told her that I still wanted her to leave.  I assured her that I would think about the baby, but I needed to be alone. 

     Pamela goes back to Florida, and she finds a job and a car.  I ended up losing my apartment.  I kept my job.  Pamela thinks that I am not living up to my responsibility.  I receive a phone call one day at work, and It is a lady in Florida.  She works for an adoption agency, and she was giving me two options.  I could have full custody of the baby, or I could agree to let the baby be adopted.  Pamela did not want the baby boy. 

     He was born on September 23, 2000, and he was adopted on September 25th.  There are a few things that I would have done differently.  I would have told her to stay.  Either that or I would have taken my son and raised him the best that I could have.  I would be a father and a better person.

     I like who I am.  I don’t beat myself up over it.  I don’t think about it every day.  Maybe, I will have another chance.  If God thinks that I am ready…….

outcast…

     I am 33 years old, although that may be hard to believe.   Ten years ago, I was 23 and probably a very different person from the me of today.  Back then, I hardly ever used the internet, and I had yet to meet or even know about any Belgian models.

     I was renting a room, and I lived by myself.  I had a phone, because it was a requirement for my last chance program to stay out of jail.  I was in danger of being locked up for violating probation a couple of years prior to my newest drug charge.  So, I had to turn myself  in and face the music.

      This was late summer and into fall.  There were a few girls in my life, but nothing serious.  I found out that one girl at work liked me, and we went out to the movies.  Her name was Ebony.  She was cute and nice, but we just didn’t have that special chemistry that attracts people to each other.  At least, I never really felt it.

     One day Ebony and I were going to go to the state fair on a date.  I came home from work, and one of my neighbors was outside talking to a girl who I had never seen before.  At the house where I lived there were twelve rooms that were rented out to single guys only. 

     I always talked to this guy, although I don’t remember his name now.  So, I asked him, “What’s Up ?”  He introduced me to the young lady, Pamela who he had just met.  She was here from Florida, two states south of  Tennessee.  She had left home, and she was eighteen, an adult but just barely.

     She did not have anywhere to go.  So, I offered to let her spend the night in my room even though we were not allowed to have overnight guests there.  I did not want to leave her alone while I went out.  I suggested that she come with Ebony and me to the fair.  I did not think this was very rude, because I was going to pay Pamela’s way.  Ebony and I were not ever going to be a couple, and I thought that Pamela liked me. 

     Inconsiderate or not, the three of us went to the fair and had a pretty good time.  Mostly we all just walked around.  Pamela was not sure where her next meal was coming from.  She was looking for a job.  Pamela and I talked to a lady who worked at the fair, and she said to come back the next day.  She assured us that Pamela would be hired, and my new friend would be traveling with the fair.

     Pam was cute and she liked me.  We kissed on the way back to my place.  I rented a room inside of a bigger house that contained a kitchen and  few bathrooms.  The only furniture that I had was a dresser and a bed.  We both slept in the bed together.  We only kissed.  I did not have any protection, and she said that it was her time of the month.

     The next morning came early. I walked her to the bus stop, and we kissed goodbye.  I gave her my phone number and told her to call me.  I did not want her to go.  She was almost a stranger.  I had only known her for one day.  She stepped on to the bus.  Gone but not forgotten…….

part III (November 14th, 1991)

     When I was 14, I got hit by a car while crossing the road.  This kind of collision, man vs car, can go one of two ways.  A person might suffer minor injuries if they are not struck very hard and if the auto is not going very fast.  The other outcome is death.  If not instant, sometimes the person is in pain for a while before dying.

      Well, I landed somewhere in between.  If the ambulance had not arrived so quickly, then I would have bled to death.  I was knocked into the air and out of one of my shoes landing broken and bleeding on the street.  Thankfully, I was out for a second from the impact.  Ony for a few seconds, then I came to alone in the street.  I was not sure what had happened.   I think that there were already a couple of people who had seen it happen there with me.  When I first realized that I was severely injured, the horrible image of never recovering and being in a wheelchair for the rest of my life came into my head.  

     Some very short time later, probably after the ambulance and the paramedics arrived, I felt the all of the pain.   I wanted them to put me out with drugs so that I would not feel it.

     I never thought that I was going to die.  I lost a lot of blood, but I never went into shock.  The doctors at the hospital tried to fix my broken bones and they gave me blood, and then, I was given a room in the intensive care unit also known as the I.C.U.  I was placed on a morphine drip for the pain, and they gave me an I.V. since I could not eat.  They also gave me more blood.  They checked my vitals and waited for my fever to cool and my blood cells to multiply slowly on their own.

     Eventually, I was allowed to go to a regular room.   There I slept and recovered, so that they could fix my leg better.  Sometime later, I am not sure how long because the pain had been very intense and constant.  I had dreams where I would be talking to people who were not there.  I would have muscle spasms.  The nurses were taking blood and giving me painful shots in the stomach every day.

     My doctors were very nice.  At first there was only one, Dr. Hodges, the bone doctor who mended the compound fracture in my left shoulder.  Later there would be another kind doctor, but I can not recall his name as easily.  There were a lot of nurses because I was in the hospital for five weeks the first time.  Some of them were nice and a few were stern.  I had a machine that graciously dispensed demoral through my I.V. and into my veins, where it warmed my body and burned my veins. 

     If I sounded like a junkie, you would not be far from the truth.  I experienced what a heroin addict longs for.  An instant comfort that took all of my pain away like no other.  I understand why people shoot up their drugs.

     I had another surgery, where they rebroke my leg to fix it better.  They were in a hurry the first time.  They also reinforced it with a metal plate.  After they were finished they stretched the skin and stapled it together again.

    The problem was that the skin on my leg died for some reason.  It turned black and flaky from the knee all the way down my calf.  This was very serious.  This is also when the other doctor was called.  He was a skin doctor and they needed his expertise.

     I was told they would remove the dead skin and if they could not find any good tissue, then they would cut one of the muscles and place it around my leg creating a foundation for new skin.  The skin would be coming from me.  They were going to do a skin graft.  A skin graft is where you have skin taken from one part of your body, the thigh in my case, and they place it where it is needed.  I went into surgery fearing the worst.  The muscle flap would leave an egg-sized knot on my leg.

     I got lucky.  They were able to do only the skin grafts.  This was good.  It meant that the scars and the deformities would be less, and it also meant that my leg muscles were left uncut.  I recovered some more and had more surgery on my leg, four in all.  Maybe by Spring, I was on my way to living a normal and relativity pain-free life.  I was on homeschool, and then I was on crutches at school, gliding around faster than some walking people.

     My injuries consisted of ; a broken arm with the bone going through the skin, broken leg, two broken ribs, broken collarbone, and some minor internal injuries.  I am not sure what I all I learned from this experience, besides looking both ways before crossing the street and observe all four lanes of traffic.

     I was told that I was lucky and God had kept me alive for a reason.  If what does not kill makes you stronger, then I must be He-Man!…….

part II

     My feet hurt to the bone, and this is after only eight hours on the floor at work!  That is just the way it is for me.  It is only because I practice an ancient Chinese method of standing so that my back does not hurt, and My pain is also because I have injured my left ankle and my right foot in the past.

     I have been known to have my share of accidents and bodily injuries.  I have more scars than some people have tatoos.  Most people don’t see them because I hide them well, and I have always had the soul and spirit of an athlete.   I have crushed my left hand completely disentegrating a small bone, and I had reconstructive surgery for that.  On the same hand I have almost cut off my thumb.  On my left leg, I had to have skin grafts.  Despite all of this,  I am not an unattractive guy.

     Work was fun today.  I talked to the customers and took care of business, and enjoyed my day.  The guy that I mentioned last time has started acting normal towards me.  I don’t know why and It really does not matter.  You can not please everyone even if you try…….

FYI

     This blog is going to be a story.  So, it will make the most sense if you start at the original post and read them in ascending order.  In other words first to last.  Sorry for the inconvenience.

Jason DeWayne Wyatt

     This guy at work doesn’t like me, but that is the way that it usually goes with me.  People tend to love me or hate me?  That is sometimes based on stupid little things like me asking for a decent five dollar cheeseburger with plenty of bacon.  Okay, I was a little upset about the bacon, and they still did not give me more fresh bacon for the other sandwich.  I got to see how the customer feels, but then again, I usually do (every day, when my fries are old on my break.)  but We are a good team and we try.  We work hard every day, and get our butts kicked.  We smile and we put on our game faces and our restaraunt stays busy!  So this guy giving me ill will on the day after the bacon incident really got on my last nerve.  I thought that I was going to have to fight the guy.  I think that people talk about me behing my back!  but I digress…

     My name is Jason, and I am a thirty three year old man who is living in Madison, TN.  I am originally from a small industrial town in Georgia about 274 kilometers from where I have been living for the past 17 years.  My dad just passed away ten months ago, but He would have been proud that I have a job.

     In America now, there are a shortage of jobs.  On any given day there are at least five hundred people in my own community who would take my job from me!  They would smile bigger and work harder than me.  and that, ladies and gentlemen would be no easy feat.  That is because my father taught me how to work hard and do a job well.  If he did not do anything else, he raised six wonderful children.  I don’t care what anybody says about that!

more to come…

Hello world!

     I am a writer if anybody doesn’t know.  I was even published once.  a small poem in a book annually produced by the International Society of Poets.  I am a lifetime member, but I can not completely recall the poem and I am not sure if there any copies of the book, Shadows and Light left.  My older sister did try to hold onto a couple.  You can look it up somewhere, I guess…

     I have written songs, raps and poems for myself, although I have not put the pen to the paper in a long time.  I have never written a good story.  I have only read them.  I am going to write a story, this will be a retrospective and perhaps introspective look at my life untill now.  Hopefully this journey will be graphic and revealing for you, the reader.  It is almost guaranteed to be emotional.  Be prepared to cry with me, laugh at my jokes, and make fun of me 😛

  It is unfortunate that I will be writing this in installments, probably a little every day.  That is because I want it to be good and I am not sure where this path less taken will wind up.  If you have a virtual ear to lend, come with me……..